Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday
Wed Sep 17, 2008 at 04:29:53 AM PDT
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Charlie and Me---15 Minutes Before the Palin Interview
Do you agree with the Bush Doctrine?
In what respect, Charlie?
What do you interpret it to be?
Well, Charlie, that's tough. Is it the Bush doctrine that says you can go back on your promise to cut global emissions as soon as you take office? Or the one that says ignore PDBs that warn of an imminent attack on the United States? Perhaps you're speaking of the Bush doctrine of sticking the government's nose into private family health decisions? Or the one that says you can spy on any American at any time for any reason? Or maybe the one that says, hey, let's politicize the Department of Justice! How about the one where you can divert resources from the war on terror to invade a country because its leader once tried to kill your daddy? Or ignore congressional subpoenas at will? Or change laws anytime with signing statements? That doctrine? Am I close?
Well, I was thinking...
Wait, I know! Is it the Bush doctrine that says torture is okay and that the writ of habeas corpus is "quaint?" Or the Bush doctrine that says the free market will regulate itself and bring us endless prosperity? Is it the doctrine that says deficits don’t matter? Or the one that says cronies are competent stewards of the nation's safety? Maybe it's the doctrine of thinking that cutting taxes in the middle of two wars is smart? Or the doctrine that says government commissions---like the Iraq Study Group---should be taken seriously until they release their report, after which they should be ignored? Then there's this one: no matter how much people beg for relief, don't lift a finger to fix the health care mess in this country, but pass major legislation that increases the profits of drug companies. How about the doctrine that says any country that doesn’t make themselves over in America's image should be mocked and ridiculed and even invaded? Hey, here's a great doctrine: running the Iraq war "off the books" so it looks like it's not costing us anything. Brilliant! Are these doctrines ringin' any bells, Charlie?
Is it the Bush doctrine that says you should commute the sentence of a top White House official who committed perjury to help cover up the fact that you outed a covert CIA operative as an act of political revenge? Or the one that says vote for me because I'm a CEO and I know what I'm doing? That is, unless it's the one that says vote for me because I'm an oilman and I'll keep gas prices low? How about the one that says let's privatize Social Security by putting it into the hands of companies like Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers? Maybe it's the doctrine that says it's a good idea to taunt terrorists by sneering, "Bring 'em on!" Wait a minute! It must be the Bush doctrine of raising the terror threat level when it's politically expedient! Oh, wait...it could be the doctrine of spending more time on vacation than any other president in history. Actually, it might be the doctrine that says let's fuck up the country as much as possible and then blame it on the Democrats.
Tell me, Charlie: which Bush doctrine are you referring to?
The Bush Doctrine as I understand it is that we have the right of anticipatory self-defense. That we have the right of a preemptive strike against any other country that we think is going to attack us. Do you agree with that?
Hell, I dunno. Ask the lady over there beating her ex-brother-in-law with a moose antler.